Top Ten Funny Ways to Catch STDs
When trying to raise awareness about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) leading physicians, nurses, and other health care professionals agree that unsafe sex is a leading cause of STDs. Unfortunately they often fail to describe unsafe sex and its dangers in a way that a reader will find interesting. I have read far too many articles saying that if you don’t use a condom you may get a temporary case of Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, or a permanent case of Herpes, Genital Warts, Hepatitis, HPV, or even HIV/AIDS. Never once have I found rock solid textual descriptions of dangerous sex. In this article I am bypassing medical journals and going straight to the experts at Urban Dictionary to find the top ten funniest ways that you can catch STDs.
10. Snowball
Where one person takes a cum load in their mouth, and then spits it back out into another person’s mouth.
9. Rusty Trombone
When a girl or gay male is eating out a guy’s asshole while giving him a hand job from the back. This resembles the act of playing a trombone with a rusty mouth piece. When a girl or gay male is eating out a guy’s asshole while giving him a hand job from the back. This resembles the act of playing a trombone with a rusty mouth piece.
8. Blumpkin
The act of receiving a blow job and taking a dump on the toilet at the same time.
7. Newnan Burrito
Wrap your cock in a tortilla and fill the tortilla with whatever a normal burrito would have (sour cream, cheese, maybe hot sauce) and then start having anal sex. Before you cum, you stick the newnan burrito in the woman’s mouth, giving the taste of cock and burrito.
6. Dump Truck
Tucking the cock and balls between the legs and proceeding to ejaculate in the female’s mouth while backing up and dropping a steamy load on her chest making crazy beeping noises like a dump truck
5. Angry Pirate
The act of receiving oral sex while standing up right, ending with the receiver not only shooting his sperm rocket into one of the giver’s eyes, but also kicking the giver in one of his/her shins, thereby hindering the giver with a “peg leg” and a defunct eye.
4. Alligator Fuckhouse
A daring sexual maneuver: Mid-coitus, one person bites the neck of the other, locks their arms and legs down and goes into a deathroll, all while maintaining insertion. Like downshifting a car!
3. Birmingham Booty Call
Put your woman’s cell phone on vibrate, stick it up her ass, and as you are having sex, call her phone, have her shit it out, answer it, and talk dirty to you as you cum on her face.
2. Alabama Hot Pocket
The woman spreads apart her vaginal lips while the man carefully positions his anus above her open crevice and fills it with shit. Once his bowels have been evacuated into her vagina, he proceeds to have vigorous sex with it and enjoy the explosive heat and gooeyness that erupts from her vagina like melted cheese from a blistering Hot Pocket.
1. Strawberry Shortcake
As the man approaches climax during either genital or oral intercourse, he pulls out to ejaculate upon his partner’s face and then immediately punches his partner in the nose, thus causing blood and semen to swirl upon his lover’s countenance in a delectable mixture reminiscent of the strawberries and whipped cream from everyone’s favorite summertime dessert.
There you have it, ten funny ways that may require you to catch a STD from Urban Dictionary. STDs are dangerous and potentially life threatening. Fortunately free STD history background checks are available at the STD Carriers Disease Control and Prevention Services website and STD Prevention Products are now available at the new STD Merchandise Classified Advertising Services website.
About the Author
Felix Batakin is an expert on internet Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD) information and resources in addition to being a full time web developer and part time writer. His work has been published in many online places.
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